17 April 2008

At Night

"It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing." _EH, The Sun Also Rises

For me, it might be the inverse. This line, the last words of Chapter IV, were the first words in my mind this morning, when I woke up to the glaring reality that last night was real, and it was still real, and I was back in consciousness, and my stepmother was still lying in a room in Westchester Medical Center with a machine breathing for her, unconscious from a completely unexpected stroke after almost ten years of battling the most pervasive, insidious, tenacious forms of cancer, and that it is extremely unlikely that she is going to return to us.

Maybe it's because I was around other people who I could seem strong for last night and this morning, when I awoke alone in bed, there was no one to be hard-boiled for. Last night, it was also easier to be croyant.

I taught class this morning, cancelled all tutoring appointments for today and tomorrow, notified PU, and am heading back down in couple of hours.

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